Showing posts with label Crazy People. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazy People. Show all posts
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sirius Dead People/Animals Shows
On Sirius there are 2 shows about communicating with the dead - Animal Intuition and Angels on Call. I'm serious. People call in and ask for the host to communicate with their dead pet and ask about what kind of life/death they had and she seriously responds like she has just spoken on the phone with the cat. I shit you not. Who listens to this crap?????
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Holy F-ing Bat
There Joe and I were...relaxing on the couch watching a mellow movie about Hitler. When, all of a sudden, Lickey the cat went on high alert and something swooshed through the room. Just when we thought maybe we were wrong (don't you always) - BAM - here it came again. An F-ing BAT!! Seriously!! A freakin' bat was flying around our living room. Although neither of us are fond of rodents, let alone flying rodents, we armed, we attacked, and - yes - we prevailed.
We armed...with dry swiffer, extra wide rake, and shower curtain in hand we planned our next move.
We attacked...we confirmed that our front and back doors were propped open and that all other doors in the house - including our children's bedroom doors - were closed. We noodled over how the hell a bat got into our house (me swearing I was calling rodent control first thing Monday AM NO MATTER WHAT b/c WHAT THE F - we must be infested! What if there is a whole nest or babies or something????). The cat went upstairs to guard the bathroom door needlessly. We have the biggest WUSS cat on the planet.
Joe made several attempts to lunge for it going up the steps, but that wiley bastard out manuevered us. He was circling our upstairs. The plan was put in place. I put on my hoodie and pulled the string tight (b/c as with the single plastic bag that gets put on the eggs that serves virtually no purpose and has no chance in preventing any eggs from breaking, I was sure that my J Crew Navy hoodie would prevent any bat bites from permeating my skin).
We prevailed...I slowly ascended the steps to the landing between the first and second floor. I waved the rake around to lure the creature towards me. I hit the deck. Holy shit, bats are scary. I got back up and he came for me. I whacked him once and hit him slightly. He came at me again...I whacked him harder but this time down the steps. Joe threw the shower curtain on him and whacked him repeatedly out the door confirming he flew away (as opposed to him dying on our deck and his limp body scaring the shit out of us and the kids in the morning).
We figure he had to have gotten in via the fireplace. It took a big bowl of chocolate Trader Joes ice cream to calm us down and a tense ending to the Hitler movie (Valkyrie, if you are wondering. And, yes, we liked it) to divert our attentions sufficiently.
Yes, this is a true story. I categorize this event under Crazy People (us), Funnies (b/c I was laughing at Joe lunging to and fro), I appreciate (b/c the kids slept through the whole thing and I didn't piss my pants), and Resolution (b/c I swear I will close that fireplace as soon as the frost clears each year).
By the way, the cat just secured her own future. She was on the way out with all the throwing up and crapping on the floor she's been doing lately. Now at least we'd have a slight warning that something is askew in the house, even if she doesn't do anything about it.
We armed...with dry swiffer, extra wide rake, and shower curtain in hand we planned our next move.
We attacked...we confirmed that our front and back doors were propped open and that all other doors in the house - including our children's bedroom doors - were closed. We noodled over how the hell a bat got into our house (me swearing I was calling rodent control first thing Monday AM NO MATTER WHAT b/c WHAT THE F - we must be infested! What if there is a whole nest or babies or something????). The cat went upstairs to guard the bathroom door needlessly. We have the biggest WUSS cat on the planet.
Joe made several attempts to lunge for it going up the steps, but that wiley bastard out manuevered us. He was circling our upstairs. The plan was put in place. I put on my hoodie and pulled the string tight (b/c as with the single plastic bag that gets put on the eggs that serves virtually no purpose and has no chance in preventing any eggs from breaking, I was sure that my J Crew Navy hoodie would prevent any bat bites from permeating my skin).
We prevailed...I slowly ascended the steps to the landing between the first and second floor. I waved the rake around to lure the creature towards me. I hit the deck. Holy shit, bats are scary. I got back up and he came for me. I whacked him once and hit him slightly. He came at me again...I whacked him harder but this time down the steps. Joe threw the shower curtain on him and whacked him repeatedly out the door confirming he flew away (as opposed to him dying on our deck and his limp body scaring the shit out of us and the kids in the morning).
We figure he had to have gotten in via the fireplace. It took a big bowl of chocolate Trader Joes ice cream to calm us down and a tense ending to the Hitler movie (Valkyrie, if you are wondering. And, yes, we liked it) to divert our attentions sufficiently.
Yes, this is a true story. I categorize this event under Crazy People (us), Funnies (b/c I was laughing at Joe lunging to and fro), I appreciate (b/c the kids slept through the whole thing and I didn't piss my pants), and Resolution (b/c I swear I will close that fireplace as soon as the frost clears each year).
By the way, the cat just secured her own future. She was on the way out with all the throwing up and crapping on the floor she's been doing lately. Now at least we'd have a slight warning that something is askew in the house, even if she doesn't do anything about it.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Offensive Neighbor at the Gym
So there I was, working hard on the elliptical today when all of a sudden the old dude next to me farted. I swear to God I almost puked. The gym is not the place to let loose, people. It was so gross. I was kicking ass in the middle of a great song (Jamiriquoi, that Napolean Dynamite dance song) skimming my magazine when BAM!
Shelagh just asked me what I was laughing at and I told her that the man next to me at the gym had a gas. She said, with the most serious face, "well mommy you can't exercise next to a man that has gas" followed by "mommy, what was the mans name who gassed?" when I told her I didn't know she said "Well you should have introduced yourself". I had to explain that I didn't want to meet the rude man who gassed next to me. She just said again "You have to be really nice to the gas man and introduce yourself." It's tough to send the right messages to your kids. I think I can sum it up with this "Please introduce yourself to people and be polite...unless he or she farts next to you while you are exercising."
Shelagh just asked me what I was laughing at and I told her that the man next to me at the gym had a gas. She said, with the most serious face, "well mommy you can't exercise next to a man that has gas" followed by "mommy, what was the mans name who gassed?" when I told her I didn't know she said "Well you should have introduced yourself". I had to explain that I didn't want to meet the rude man who gassed next to me. She just said again "You have to be really nice to the gas man and introduce yourself." It's tough to send the right messages to your kids. I think I can sum it up with this "Please introduce yourself to people and be polite...unless he or she farts next to you while you are exercising."
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Tough Morning
Lots of tantrums, lots of unreasonable behavior from the kids and from me. I used to have a lot of patience. I'm not sure where it went, but it was no where to be found this morning. It all started when Shelagh accidentally popped me in the nose while I was helping her get her PJs back on. It was a complete accident but it really hurt. I tried to grit my teeth, but it didn't work and all hell broke loose. Nothing significant, just silliness and then it was 2 tantrums from her followed by one from Rory later (I think his was a sympathy tantrum...he's starting to copy her). And, me scolding them, snapping at Joe, and crying about it b/c my stupid nose hurt.
Yes, I was crying all morning (not out loud, but still tearing). What a goober I can be sometimes. I think what really upset me was that I was so irritated and annoyed, but really there was nothing worth getting so worked up over. I have 2 wonderful, healthy kids and I'm too controlling. I need to learn to relax and let things go. How do people do that??? All I was thinking about was how on earth moms that have kids with special needs or other real issues keep their cool. They have real, daily, complicated challenges to deal with. The few moms I know that are in this situation do have endless supplies of patience and a well of kindness from which to draw. Sometimes I'm a real shit.
Yes, I was crying all morning (not out loud, but still tearing). What a goober I can be sometimes. I think what really upset me was that I was so irritated and annoyed, but really there was nothing worth getting so worked up over. I have 2 wonderful, healthy kids and I'm too controlling. I need to learn to relax and let things go. How do people do that??? All I was thinking about was how on earth moms that have kids with special needs or other real issues keep their cool. They have real, daily, complicated challenges to deal with. The few moms I know that are in this situation do have endless supplies of patience and a well of kindness from which to draw. Sometimes I'm a real shit.
Monday, January 14, 2008
I am crazy
I just looked at how much I've written today and I am seriously crazy. Let's hope my work friends that know about this blog don't report me.
Crazy New England Snow Drivers
Shouldn't it be expected that if you live in New England you can drive in the snow? Well you'd think so. Not the case. I watched a woman slow down at the bottom of a hill today. What a goober. You just knew she was getting stuck, so I backed up a good 1/4 mile. No way my mom-van was making it up that hill at 5 mph. She should have gunned it right up. I sat there for 5 minutes down the street watching her inch forwards and backwards with cars on both side stopped and waiting for her to manuever while Rory listened to me yelling at her. He was just excited to see all the snowplows. That kid is truck crazy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
