Operation Nighttime Underpants Semi-Reboot

Rory was DEVASTATED that he was going back to pull ups. DEVASTATED. He cried and cried and refused to put one on. And quote "Pull-ups are STUPIC!". Finally, Joe agreed to line his bed with towels and let him try one more time. We woke him up at 10 and he hadn't peed this time - poor thing is really trying so hard. This morning his undies were damp, but it hadn't gone through and he was pretty proud. We tried to explain that his body just wasn't ready - 'Buddy, your peam doesn't know how to hold the tinkle in while you are sleeping and relaxed'. He calls his penis his peam. It's hilarious and we don't correct him.

Anyway, Joe is taking the kids skiing and he's agreed to wear pull-ups at our friends house. We'll see how it goes.

Operation Nighttime Underpants Abort Mission

Okay, he's just not ready. Last night, he

• didn't drink after dinner
• peed at 7
• peed at 8
• At 930 I got him up to pee and it was already too late

Seriously???? He doesn't pee every hour during the day. I think he's just so relaxed while he's sleeping that he doesn't realize. Back to pullups, I guess. He was bummed but I told him that his body just wasn't ready. He's a trooper. And, SO CUTE when he's woken up sleepy and just hanging on me and cuddly.

Operation Nighttime Underpants Day 5

More pee. This time, the plan was to get him up to go before we went to bed. At 10-something last night Joe went in to wake him up and came out saying "Too Late". Seriously? He did his last pee at 7pm and was COMPLETELY SOAKED! We brought him into our bed after laying down a towel, wrapping him in a towel, and he passed right out. Of course, Kelly slept through the night for the first time in who knows how long and I was up twice anyway carrying him to the bathroom so that he wouldn't pee on me! More importantly, so that he wouldn't pee on my v. expensive Tempurpedic.

Tonight I will have him pee before his tub as usual, again after stories before bed which is usually around 8. I will wake him up before I go to bed around 10-11. I will also lay down a couple of towels between his mattress cover and sheets - I have extra sheets, but no extra mattress covers yet (that's a to-do for this weekend for sure). I will also get him up early to pee and then send him in to rest more with Joe afterwards so he doesn't wake Shelagh.

If all else fails, I'll try those Goodnights (thank you, Nicole!). This is tiring.

Operation Nighttime Underpants Days 2 - 4

Pee, Pee, and more Pee.

On Day 2, he woke up crying at 4-something AM b/c he peed and was really upset. I got him changed and, thankfully, everyone went back to sleep. Then I put the waterproof/rubber mattress cover in the dryer on high heat...oops. It's wrinkly but it still works.

On Day 3, he peed but didn't bother getting up. He was kind of bummed.

On Day 4, he peed but didn't bother getting up. Completely unfazed.

Nice. Now, he's adjusted to the pee and that's that. I really don't want to go back to pull-ups. I have heard boys take longer to learn to hold it at night. What a freakin hassle. Tonight I think I'll just cut off liquids after dinner and then wake him up in the middle of the night. I'm up every night for Kelly anyway...any suggestions? anyone?

Operation Nighttime Underpants - Day 1

I figured we have a 4 day weekend with MLK day and my home day on Tuesday so I'm just going to muscle through it. If I have to wash sheets and the 1 waterproof mattress cover I have for his bed, so be it. Rory is 4 years old now and nowhere near waking up with a dry pull-up. It's gross.

At the end of night 1 with underwear and no pullups, Rory woke me up at 630am to help him go potty. I was simultaneously thrilled and had a big sigh for more sleepless nights/early mornings. I did briefly consider waking him at 430am when I got up for Kelly. Glad I didn't since he did it!! Then, of course, he went back in his room and woke up Shelagh and then basically woke up Kelly too. You can't have everything, I guess.

Just Being Kids

I came to an unpleasant realization about myself recently. I have a lower tolerance than I'd like for letting the kids just be kids. Being a generally Type A, semi-rigid person (I'm probably being generous here) who likes routines and has distress when things get out of my control are just some reasons I get impatient with the kids. In stepping back and really looking at some of the things that they have been doing that irritate me, I've come to the conclusion that some of these things are NO BIG DEAL. The kids are generally just being kids. I think I've spent so much time in my life taking care of myself, of things, of people around me and of making sure that everything is in place and things are moving forward that I forget that everything doesn't have to have a purpose; that silliness is fun; that letting loose is not only good but necessary. I'm working on lightening up. It's hard. While I like to have fun and am generally a person who laughs and likes ridiculous stuff, I have a very serious side and the two rarely mix. Thank God that Joe embraces this so easily and naturally. I need to take a lesson out of his book in this case and just slow down, appreciate the moments, and have some FUN with them. Motherhood is not all about taking care, doing, cleaning, organizing, scheduling, and manners. PLAY.

Please tell me this isn't happening, Please tell me this isn't happening...

I thought as Shelagh yelled out "Mommy!, MOMMY!" at 545am this morning. Of course, I stayed up until 12 last night working on photo albums and swapping out pictures in picture frames, watching TV, folding a mountain of laundry, eating ice cream, etc. Joe is away this weekend and I'm determined to get a few projects done.

It was no joke and it was because she was thinking of the shirt she wanted to wear with the skirt she had picked out the night before. Seriously. Now, Rory was up and I lost my shit. Knock on wood, it's been a great 1st week of room sharing for the kids. They have been sleeping until 645-7+ every day. And, Rory does a nice job of reciting the rules every night before bed:

"What are the rules, buddy?"
1) No talking
2) No singing
3) No wakin up Shelagh
"What are you allowed to do in the morning when you wake up and it's still dark, buddy?"
1) Suck my thumb
2) Play with my blanket
3) and lay quietlly in bed

Off to breakfast at the local greasy joint. Definitely having a big regular coffee today...screw the decaf.

Explosion

I don't remember the last time either kid had a blowout. Yesterday broke that streak. And, we were at a party. And, Joe wasn't there. And, I had no other clothes of course. Poor Rory. On the drive to the party he cried out and said "Mommy, stop the van, stop the van". It was a "I'm struggling with this poop" cry so I did my best to soothe and comfort and figured I'd change him in the back of the van when we arrived. I didn't smell anything so I forgot and we went in. About a 1/2 hour to an hour later Rory came over and was standing by me talking to some friends. He said "Mommy, I have something on my finger". I just brushed it off without really looking and kept on talking. One of them said a few minutes later that he had something on his pants. The dread came over me as I looked and realized all at once...it wasn't the Reses Peanut Butter Cups I was letting him shove into his mouth and melt all over the place. Oh crap. No pun intended.

I swept him upstairs with my bag and put him down in the bathroom and just sat there. It was all over the back of his shirt and jeans, had dripped down his leg into his socks. You have got to be kidding me. My friend, whose house it was, provided me a towel and t-shirt for him. Slowly and carefully I managed to get his shirt off without shmearing poop into his hair (this was not easy). I must have used 20 wipes to get him "clean". It was the most disgusting, liquid, smelly diarrhea I've seen in quite some time. When we went downstairs, I knew there was no way it was on the outside of his clothes without leaving its mark somewhere in the house. And, yes, a puddle of brown poop was in their living room...Thank GOD on the floor and not the rug...and no one seemed to have spotted it. Another friend saw my distress and quickly and covertly handed me some very pretty gold napkins which managed to do the job.

Then, my poor little boy had to spend the rest of the party in a t-shirt and diaper and fuzzy crocs. What a terrible look. I did get a picture of him later with his coat and hat on, fuzzy crocs and no pants, but it's on my phone and I have no idea how to get it off my phone and onto the computer. It might be worth figuring out. And Joe thought a weekend with his buddies in Chicago would top that...

We're Back!

We had a great time in Vermont and Canada and managed to squeeze in 2 days at home before getting back into our regular routine. Our trip was a lot of fun and had some challenging parts also. We drove up to Vermont on Friday night and spent the next morning having a great breakfast(thank you, Libbys Blue Line Diner in Colchester!); bike riding and playing at the lake in Burlington; visiting the new student center at UVM (why couldn't they have built it when I was there!); and showing the kids my summer camp, Brown Ledge, on Malletts Bay in Colchester. I'm hoping to plant the bug early with Shelagh and that she'll want to go there when she turns 10.

We continued north to Entrelacs, which is about an hour north of Montreal. Our friends parents have a beautiful log cabin on the lake with a gorgeous boat house for waterskiing, canoeing, and kayaking; a tennis court; and lots of open space and wooded trails outside for the kids to play and explore. It was our family and our friends family which included 3 boys around the same ages as our kids. All in all it was a wonderful week with friends. Shelagh and Rory both tubed for the 1st time and kayaked with Joe and I for the 1st time. Shelagh tried tennis and ALMOST waterskiied. She said she wanted to do it after watching the boys do it and even practiced on the dock, but changed her mind. We picked raspberries and blueberries from the bushes on their property every day and took a few nice nature walks down some "secret paths" in the forest.

We also had some really challenging behavior from the kids which made things difficult. They started off the week with mild fevers that thankfully didn't lead into anything. Rory also had his last 2 2-yr molars pop through. That and the fact that his day care was closed for the 2 weeks before our vacation causing him to be plopped around to a variety of day care situations started him off on shaky ground. The kids shared a room and both woke very early and Shelagh didn't nap all week. Between the lack of sleep, being out of routine, and Joe and I bending as much as we could to keep the peace, it made for some big tantrums and some not so nice behavior like fresh talk, hitting and pushing, and grumpy moods. As a result, we left a day early, which ended up being the right decision. The drive home, which was 8 hours with a 2 hour stop for lunch, was pretty good and the next 2 days at home brought us back to normal. Everyone caught up on sleep, went back to normal eating, and the naughty aggression is hopefully back under control under the new zero-tolerance hitting/pinching/pushing policy. Rory's blanket is once again relegated to his crib and his thumbsucking and babyish behavior has improved dramatically.

We ended up our vacation with 2 great days in Massachusetts playing at home, going to the pool, and hitting the beach. Next summer, a beach vacation is a must and hopefully we can squeeze Disney in there as well.

Here are some pictures of the fun we had...

* Shelagh looking at the waterfront activities at my camp


* Rory sporting his boat coat on the dock
* Shelagh and I on the boat watching Daddy ski


* Rory as a "mean chameleon" playing in the grass
* Shelagh playing in the lake ("Mommy, it's really 'freshing"...as in REfreshing)


* Shelagh practicing how to stand up on the skis
* Rory having a kayak with Daddy


* Shelagh posing in front of her favorite flowers (purple, of course. or fuschia, which Fancy Nancy tells us is a fancy way of saying purple)
* Shelagh and Rory playing in the grass together and relaxing

Screaming & Yelling vs Patient Mom

I scream and yell at my kids more than I want to. It's not what I want to do and not the kind of parenting I think is effective, but it happens. I'm not naturally made up of all the patience it takes to raise toddlers. I'm constantly holding my tongue or taking deep breathes trying to fight the urge to yell "Just Do It!!". This is why I don't think I could be a good stay-at-home Mom. When things start to get too much, I have to pull myself in (and it takes ALL my might) and come up with some positive reinforcement system that ends up working for a short while (until it becomes more habit and I forget about it).

I'm friends with people, and I read on other Mom blogs about families, whose situations are worked out and who meet challenges with child rearing in a peaceful way. I see very docile and even-tempered Moms on the playground and at the pool who calmly correct their children. I often wonder if those Moms, with endless patience and calm voices, ever lose their shit. I mean I know I lose mine too much, but I don't see zero yelling in my future either. What is the balance?

Shelagh and I reached a head this past weekend and I had to shift things or I would have lost my mind. Some e-newsletter I get from iVillage or BabyCenter or something like that had a comment from a Mom who had a point system for good behaviors to earn TV watching. So, instead of finally implementing the Good Behavior sticker chart I've been thinking about for the last month and not doing (where can I get bulk stickers for cheap and where on Earth do I hang said chart???), I started with points. Lo and behold it worked and I haven't yelled since Saturday morning. I don't even have to have a prize....just getting more and more points is enough for her! I know, it's only Tuesday, but 4 days without a tantrum from Shelagh or yelling from me is big news. And, of course, after something like this works I just realize AGAIN that it takes me being the adult to stop the cycle first and come up with a solution and she follows along beautifully. What came first - the chicken or the egg? Was my yelling making her tantrum or was her tantruming making me yell? Who the hell knows. I'm just happy that she is happy.

Movie: The Business of Being Born & My Kids Births

I watched this movie the last night Joe was gone on his annual guys ski trip. Ricki Lake produced it with her friend Abby Epstein and Abby's boyfriend, who are filmmakers and happened to be expecting their first baby during the process. The general theme of the movie was the dramatic shift that maternity care has taken in this country compared to other developed countries and just over the last century. They are supporting the idea of home birth with midwives, where possible, as opposed to hospital birth and planned delivery (induction, non-essential c-section, etc). This documentary was really interesting and there are 2 major statistics that stick in my mind:

1. Midwives attend around 80% of births in European nations whereas they attend less than 1% of births in the US.
2. At the current time, 1 in 4 births is a c-section in the US.

I should note for the record that both of my kids births occured from induction and resulted in vaginal births. And both were done out of convenience to me. My doctor didn't talk me into it and I felt like I had the control to make the decision myself; but it was given to me as a viable, non-harmful option. It's a little embarrassing saying it out loud actually; but, as with other things in my life, I like having a plan and being in control. At the time, I felt a little guilty about not going into labor naturally with Shelagh. I think it was just the excitement of having our first baby and wanting her to just arrive already that made my decision. If I had to do it again, I would have let her come naturally. There was no physical reason not to and it didn't really add any convenience in for us where we had no other kids to worry about. When Rory came along, the doctor offered it again and it just seemed the easiest option where Shelagh was concerned - she was only 19 months old at the time and we didn't really have a good "what if this happens in the middle of the night" option for her. She was not great with transitions then and she was my primary concern.

With Shelagh, it turned out that I was already in labor and didn't realize it before they gave me the Pitocin. The contractions were about 6 minutes apart, she was very low, and I was dilating. They gave me the Pitocin, I labored for several hours, my water broke on it's own and I then got the epidural at around 6-7 cm after first trying a lighter pain med. I always had planned to ask for an epidural - I have a VERY LOW pain threshold and just assumed it was the best course of action for me. I was really proud of myself for making it as long as I did without the drugs though. I don't know why I didn't think I could handle it, but I didn't and I suppose it was mostly fear. I labored a total of 15 hours with Shelagh and pushed for about 1.5 hours of that. That part was the really painful part b/c, ironically, after wanting the epidural and getting it as planned, it ended up wearing off before the important part anyway. When I hit 10 cm they told me they had to turn off the epidural so that I could feel enough to push. They did and then they didn't come back in for awhile. By the time I was pushing, I could feel it all and going from no pain to crazy pain without any transition SUCKED! Obviously, I eventually did it, but it was shocking to go from 0 to 60 and took A LOT of encouragement from the awesome nurse I had (who stayed after her shift to see my birth through) and Joe to get her out. Shelagh was purple and triangular when she came out from all the half-assed initial pushes I could muster. By the next day, her round head came back and she was strong and beautiful and perfect AND a red head (which we secretly were hoping for)!

The induction wasn't as cut and dry with Rory. I was induced first thing in the morning a few days before my due date and by late morning I knew it wasn't going to be successful. The contractions never advanced and I just knew he wasn't coming. We were sent home late afternoon. A week later, at my next appointment, my doctor offered to try again since I was more physically ready and we did induce the next day. After only 7 hours of labor, Rory arrived! This time I wouldn't let them turn off the epidural and we were actually talking and joking while I pushed him out. It was a breeze and I didn't feel a thing. We didn't know the sex of baby #2 like we did with Shelagh, but everyone thought I was carrying a boy (I don't think 1 person thought it was a girl) and I guess I wasn't that surprised when a boy came out even though I didn't have a feeling about the gender one way or the other (it's always weird to me when women say they just "know" and then it comes out the other sex and they are in no way prepared that that possibility might occur). He was also just perfect and adorable with white blonde hair. Within a couple of months he was a red head too and has been a sweet and mellow baby the whole time. I think the situation with Rory and the inductions, while the delivery was less dramatic and easier on me physically, gave me enough pause that I regret having done it with him the 1st and 2nd times and I know I wouldn't do it again if we were to have subsequent children.

With all that said, I still don't know if I could do a full natural birth and I know I wouldn't want a home birth. I do think that if we were blessed to have another baby, I would

1. Definitely let the labor come on its own
2. Have the strength to labor at home for awhile before I felt the need to go in to the hospital
3. Try to go as long as I could to the epidural deadline before deciding if I really need it or not. If I do, then I do. If I don't, then maybe I'd go for it.
4. Look to see if there was a birthing center option other than the hospital where I delivered my first 2 so that there is more focus on the laboring mom and more options for how to labor during that time. I don't know if I'd do it elsewhere, but I would at least research it further.

The main reason I wouldn't do the home birth option would be that I think it's really important to have those 1st few days focused completely on the new baby. To not have that isolated time (ie to be at home with my other kids simultaneously) would be against what I have treasured with my first 2 and the time I need to myself to process the change from being pregnant to breastfeeding and caring for that tiny new baby and for general physical recovery. I think it would be neat to have a midwife, but I'm not sure how and if that fits in with a hospital birth and I don't really like all that touchy-feely crap that sometimes come with the more "natural" approach. I don't need the full cheerleading squad, but some encouragement from someone with a breadth of experience in childbirth, who is also a woman and understands what I'd be going through, and who would have alternatives to dealing with the pain of laboring would be pretty cool.

Anyway, I'm so glad I watched the film. Even though I don't necessarily subscribe to everything they were focused on, it made me feel like I could more brave than I have been.