38

It's my birthday today and I'm officially 38 years old. It sounds so old when I type it, but I feel the same as yesterday. I think birthdays don't phase me anymore. Ask me again in 2 years...maybe I'll change my mind.

Joe and I had a beautiful dinner at Menton (Barbara Lynch's new restaurant in Boston that just got Top 10 best new restaurant in the US by Food & Wine) last Saturday with friends. We are attempting to get away this coming Saturday for a quick overnight in Maine - York, Ogunquit maybe? Other than that, I think I'll have Joe grab some take out chinese and hope he was kidding when he told the kids we were having broccoli cupcakes tonight (although honestly, I love broccoli).

I had my brother up for a quick visit this week and he and the kids had a really nice time together (Rory especially who had a Star Wars battle partner and got 2 new guys from Uncle Mike). He doesn't have kids and Joe and I were just talking about how different our perspectives on life and everyday living were pre-kids. I don't even remember...I really embrace getting older and feel wiser, more experienced, and more open to differences and change as I go.

Yeah me.

There is no Easy Way

to say this, so I guess I just will to get it out of the way and move on. Normally, I wouldn't post something as personal as this but since I already announced it, I kind of need to at least acknowledge what has happened. I've been avoiding it but really I've had lots to write about over the last few days and I should just spit it out already.

We are so sad to report that we've lost the baby we were expecting due to a rare genetic disorder called Trisomy 13. It is a chromosome abnormality that is not compatible with life and has very low survival rates both during pregnancy and after delivery. It has been a really shitty week but we're doing better and trying to focus on our 3 beautiful, healthy, and happy children. Here they are...I just can't get enough love and hugs from them right now.

This is a terrible loss for us, but we are so blessed and appreciative for what we have. Never moreso than now. The kids have taken this in stride and seem to feel okay asking questions and talking about it a bit over the last days.

I'm feeling better physically than I did and finally got a non-drug induced sleep last night which I'm so relieved about. My heart has been racing for days, despite almost no caffeine, and I had one night of zero sleep that was just the worst. It seems to have calmed...I guess it's hormones working their way out. Damn hormones.

So, I'm going back to work tomorrow since I'm getting stir crazy from being home and I need something else to focus my thoughts on. Plus I just want to get that first day back over with. People have been really supportive and thoughtful and having such caring family and friends has helped tremendously.

Anyway, that's that.

Spring

The sun is shining. The sky is blue. The tulips are poking out of the ground. My kids left the house all smiling and hugging this morning. Kelly's trifecta of horrific rash, super-swollen molar, and ear infection has subsided, so she slept all night and woke up calling out "Mama" to me followed by a super-Kelly-hug (is there anything better?). Rory told me this morning that he was giving all his love to me today (how is it that your kids are intuitive and know just what to say and when to say it? It's uncanny). Shelagh proudly went off to school with her first project about penguins (pictures coming later). She worked all weekend on it and waited until Thursday to bring it in on her favorite day. No one is bothering me at work today. My iPhone sound is working again so the headphones are in as I plug away.

Life is constantly challenging us. You keep taking hits and you move forward. And, you look at your beautiful family and the blessings in your life and you refuse to let the tough stuff pull you down or negativity impermeate. And you move on. I'm having a huge "I Appreciate" day.

New Thought: Sometimes I feel like Lt. Dan tied to the mast on the shrimp boat with Forrest Gump during the storm at sea when he screams at God to bring on whatever he can. And then the storm stops and he is a new, appreciative man ready to face life again. Except I have legs and not such a scraggly head of hair. So I guess that's another plus for me!

Now THATs Snow

Now that's more like it...

Perfect Day

We got up early today and made our way up to Wingaersheek Beach in Gloucester. It was the most beautiful day. We got there early and got a parking spot up front (this is usually impossible around here). Temperature was 83 with a nice breeze and gorgeous sun...not a cloud in the sky. This particular beach has an insane sand bar. The kids had a blast. They played in the water, they played around the rocks and the pools that form near the rock piles. We had slushes (lemon. yum). We stopped and picked up lobsters and steamers for dinner and fried clams to eat in the car on the way home. We threw in the corn from the CSA which was so sweet and some ice cold wheat beer (smoothies for the kids). Kelly had the CUTEST outfit on today and looked like such a doll on the beach. She was a trooper with not even an hour nap on the beach and less than an hour on the way home even with our stops. Here are my favorite shots from the day.


Shelagh tried lobster tonight and decided, after 3 pieces, that she's not so sure she likes it but she said that she does love the butter part.

Holy F-ing Bat

There Joe and I were...relaxing on the couch watching a mellow movie about Hitler. When, all of a sudden, Lickey the cat went on high alert and something swooshed through the room. Just when we thought maybe we were wrong (don't you always) - BAM - here it came again. An F-ing BAT!! Seriously!! A freakin' bat was flying around our living room. Although neither of us are fond of rodents, let alone flying rodents, we armed, we attacked, and - yes - we prevailed.

We armed...with dry swiffer, extra wide rake, and shower curtain in hand we planned our next move.

We attacked...we confirmed that our front and back doors were propped open and that all other doors in the house - including our children's bedroom doors - were closed. We noodled over how the hell a bat got into our house (me swearing I was calling rodent control first thing Monday AM NO MATTER WHAT b/c WHAT THE F - we must be infested! What if there is a whole nest or babies or something????). The cat went upstairs to guard the bathroom door needlessly. We have the biggest WUSS cat on the planet.

Joe made several attempts to lunge for it going up the steps, but that wiley bastard out manuevered us. He was circling our upstairs. The plan was put in place. I put on my hoodie and pulled the string tight (b/c as with the single plastic bag that gets put on the eggs that serves virtually no purpose and has no chance in preventing any eggs from breaking, I was sure that my J Crew Navy hoodie would prevent any bat bites from permeating my skin).

We prevailed...I slowly ascended the steps to the landing between the first and second floor. I waved the rake around to lure the creature towards me. I hit the deck. Holy shit, bats are scary. I got back up and he came for me. I whacked him once and hit him slightly. He came at me again...I whacked him harder but this time down the steps. Joe threw the shower curtain on him and whacked him repeatedly out the door confirming he flew away (as opposed to him dying on our deck and his limp body scaring the shit out of us and the kids in the morning).

We figure he had to have gotten in via the fireplace. It took a big bowl of chocolate Trader Joes ice cream to calm us down and a tense ending to the Hitler movie (Valkyrie, if you are wondering. And, yes, we liked it) to divert our attentions sufficiently.

Yes, this is a true story. I categorize this event under Crazy People (us), Funnies (b/c I was laughing at Joe lunging to and fro), I appreciate (b/c the kids slept through the whole thing and I didn't piss my pants), and Resolution (b/c I swear I will close that fireplace as soon as the frost clears each year).

By the way, the cat just secured her own future. She was on the way out with all the throwing up and crapping on the floor she's been doing lately. Now at least we'd have a slight warning that something is askew in the house, even if she doesn't do anything about it.

Precious Moments

When my head is splitting the other evening and without hesitation my husband leans over and rubs my temple for me. He constantly rubs my shoulders. He starts helping as soon as he comes in the door at night. He calms me if I'm agitated and reminds me to look beyond the moment and relax. Which I need often.

When I'm putting Kelly to sleep and it's dim in her room with only the light of dusk streaming in under the shade...she nurses quietly and while she lounges in my arms, her hand gently brushes my skin and caresses back and forth. She grabs my shirt now and then and then releases it, waves her arm around and settles back down. Every once in awhile she looks up at me and gives me the hugest smile, then resumes nursing. Heaven.

When I'm tucking Rory in at night I lean down for a hug and ask him "Will you be my love?". He answers "Yes, Mommy, I will be your 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, and a million Love" and he nuzzles into my neck and wraps his arms around my neck for a big squeeze.

When I'm tucking Shelagh in at night and she gives me my favorite hugs...the Pat-Pat hug is when she puts her arms under mine and gently pats my back while hugging. The Arm-Wrap hug is when she then puts her arms around my neck, plants a kiss on the lips, and gives me the best bear hug of all time. She knows they are my favorite kinds of hugs and she loves giving them.

Christmas Outfits

I couldn't resist posting this...(Sorry to spoil the Xmas Outfit surprise, family)

Nothing makes me happier than seeing my kids hug and kiss and care for each other, which they do so often. I don't know what, if anything, we did to foster their love for each other, but it is there and strong and inspiring. While a bit nervous for how Baby #3 will fit into this, I also have to note that both my kids adore my growing belly and shower her with kisses and "I Love You, Baby Sister" comments daily.

Just for fun...last years Xmas Outfits photo...

I can't help but notice how much Shelagh has grown in height and how much older she looks now. Both Joe and I are astounded, and slightly freaked out, that she will be 5 this Spring as we start to research Kindergarden for her. Rory is such a little man ("I not a little man. I a BIG BOY!!"). The tie helps ("Hey Mama, I look just like MY DAD!!" he said with his very congested and super sick sounding voice while admiring his new Race Car tie yesterday.)

A Sad, but Unbelievably Inspirational, Story

Every day for the last couple of months I've been following the story of Christian and Stephanie Nielson. They were in a plane crash in AZ and survived, although they were both badly injured with burns over part of his body and almost all of hers. They were both in medically induced comas from the accident until recently for him and hopefully this weekend for her. They have 4 children and both come from big families who have jumped in, taken over the care of the kids and have worked constantly to do fundraisers and all that to help with bills and recovery. It is the saddest and most inspiring story. Stephanie has a blog that she wrote in about her family and one of her sisters, who is caring for 3 of her 4 children, is using her blog now to tell their story.

Here is an article about what happened and where they are now. Courtneys blog about the recovery and how the family is coping is here. I found this story on some blog I was reading and haven't stopped following it since.

I well up and actually cry almost every day reading this story. It is so touching how their families have come together to bring this couple back and hold the families close. Having small children myself, I can't help but think about the selflessness and love that is present in their lives every day. I can't stop thinking about these 4 children who are living loved, but without their parents right now - they are ages 7 down to 2. I can't stop thinking how horrifying it would be to wake up from an accident like this and have that fear about how your children are and where you are and what is going on be so enormous.

So, although this is a sad and terrifying story, it is inspirational every day. The family is Mormon and they talk about praying and faith and God a lot. Where normally, formal religion unsettles me a bit - just out of lack of experience with it really and a lot of questions about my own beliefs - within the context of this story it is comforting and lovely.

Lazy Summer

For the 2nd summer in a row, we tried not to plan much of anything. I think we had friends over 1 time the whole summer. Other than our 1 week in Canada and a long weekend in NJ with family, we planned nothing else in advance. We spent most weekends enjoying family time at home, a few birthday parties, and at the pool with only 1 beach visit this year and not much park time either. I don't know where the summer went, but I'm relaxed and excited about Fall now.

I have to say I haven't cooked anything interesting lately either. It's been all go-to meals and lazy kids meals. I feel a new recipe frenzy coming up...

Shelagh is turning 4

I cannot believe Shelagh is turning 4 next week. I remember thinking 4 was so old when my nephew got there and thinking "Wow, (my sister) is the mom of a 4-year old!". Well, that's me now. Crazy.



Here she is with me and with Joe before her family birthday party (she has 2 cousins that also turned/will turn 4 a month before and after her - we do 1 big family party with her other cousin who is older). She let me give her "Magic Porridge Pot" hair which is my favorite on her. It's basically just 2 buns up high. There is an old Russian/German (Brothers Grimm) folktale (have seen it referenced both ways) we read to the kids and listen to in the car on CD called The Magic Porridge Pot in a beautiful book of stories called The Story Tree from Barefoot Books. If you haven't seen any of the Barefoot Books, go here and check out what they have for books, books w/ CDs included, CDs and puzzles. They are beautifully illustrated and make awesome gifts.

Mothers Day Picnic at the Beach

I had a wonderful Mothers Day yesterday. Joe got up with the kids to make pancakes while I slept in (glory!). Then, I woke up to my homemade cards from the kids (from Shelagh "Mommy, I worked very hard on it for you so you'd like it"), a beautiful letter from my husband, and a surprise picnic! After breakfast we head up to Salisbury Beach and Park on the border of MA and NH. It was a beautiful, sunny morning with slightly crispy air. We hit the playground first and played for awhile on the great climbing structures.

Then we hit the beach with our blankets and picnic basket. It was kind of windy, but strong sun and snuggly kids made it okay. There were people riding horses and flying kites and my brave children and husband hiked up their pants and splashed around in the water a bit. They were so happy to be at the beach and despite some detailed explaining about how it wasn't warm enough to swim yet but that we could still play and have fun at the beach, they were perfectly okay with just dipping feet and throwing a ball around.

From Rory..."Mommy, I just want to lay down and not talk. I lookin at the ocean. Will you lay with me?". What a perfect Mothers Day heart-melter!

Nothing like fresh ocean air to wipe out a toddler...

We finished the day off at Annas Taqueria and then JP Licks for ice cream cones with rainbow sprinkles. Perfect. I couldn't have had a better day. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family - everyone is healthy and happy and being together outside in the beautiful weather with the breathtaking scenery just filled my heart today. Thank you, my most thoughtful husband :)

Saturday in Boston

Saturday was a fantastic day! It was a beautiful, sunny day...I think in the high 60's/low 70's. After a chocolate chip pancake breakfast and Shelaghs dance class we went to the playground near us. The kids are like crazies being let out of an insane asylum right now. I might as well have had them in jail all winter b/c you let them into a playground now and they are all over the place...just so happy to be outside. Rory has now decided that since it is warmer out he will only wear Crocs handed down from his cousin ("Mommy, I want Jasons Red Crocs! I no like fuzzy Crocs. Just Jasons Crocs") and isn't into his jacket at all. He's loving his sunglasses this year (thankfully, b/c he has really fair eyes and gets extra sensitive to sun) and only wants his "Lellow" hat - which is actually beige but yellow is his favorite color and that's that.

After lunch and a quick nap we decided to take the kids into Boston. We put them in the stroller and walked along the Charles River looking at all the sailboats and the rowers in the water. There were tons of people out riding bikes and skating, picnicking, dogs, sunshine...just a perfect afternoon. We played on the beautiful playgrounds they built right there and then walked down Beacon St to Beacon Hill to sit at a cafe on Charles St and have coffee and "special hot" (hot chocolate). Shelagh pointed out that Joe's cappuccino was "just a fancy way of saying coffee". Thank you Fancy Nancy. He was properly humbled. We went to Annas Taqueria for burritos and quesadillas and then went home to watch the Muppet Movie and munch on popcorn.

I appreciate what a perfect day it was and look forward to many more this summer :)

I've Been Accused of Being Very Negative Lately...

I prefer to think of it as sarcasm. But okay, sir, I will accept that statement as a challenge and now list my favorite things about my awesome kids...(I'm being sincere here)

1. I love the way Shelagh will ask me a question with a really serious tone scrunching up her face and turning up her hands as if she is really puzzled. I have to try to get this on film...it's my favorite thing she does.
2. I love the way Rory says "I NOT a freshie" when asked "are you being a freshie, mr. man?".
3. I love the way Shelagh spontaneously says "Mommy, you are my best best friend in the whole wide world. You are my best mommy."
4. I love that when I am holding Rory and giving him kisses, he laughs and says "AGAIN, Mommy"...his smile is huge, he gazes at me and has the best dimple. He can never get enough and neither can I.
5. I love watching Shelagh take care of Rory. She is such a little mommy now. If he even comes close to crying she is immediately over by him and says "Buddy, do you want a huggie? Come here, Rory, do you want to hug me?" He goes running over to her now for comfort.
6. I love the look on Rory's face as he is about to cry...He has a very slow lower lip pout that is so cute. He is devastated when he is scolded or given a time out (which doesn't happen often) and there is something so endearing about that.
7. Shelagh gives me my "favorite hugs" - one where she wraps her arms around my neck and hugs so tightly (after moving my huge hair out of the way) and one where she puts her arms under mine and gives me a "pat-pat" hug and gently pats my back. Heaven.
8. Rory says "Mommy, you hook your hair" which means he doesn't like it when I put my hair in a pony tail. At which point I take it out and dump it upside down over his face and yell "HAIR CAVE" and he cracks up.
9. I love the way a toddler learning to talk mixes up their pronouns...both my kids did that and I forgot how much I loved it until Rory started doing it. Examples: Rory would say "Shelagh hit you". Or, "You tired. You want to go to bed in your crib". He's not doing it so much anymore...it's one of the best parts of watching your kids develop language.

Anyway, I suppose I should play "I appreciate" a little more. This is a game my girlfriend, Lynn, and I used to play in high school. Have you ever gotten a headache or something and thought to yourself "I wish I appreciated it more when I didn't have a headache", because you never do. So, we made up the "I appreciate" game where we'd just rattle off all the things that we were happy were not happening to us or that we weren't feeling, etc. The above is todays "I Appreciate".