Explaining Death to a 3 1/2 Year Old

"Lightning, Mr the King...look, Tractor died! Who wants to bring him up to heaven? I do, I do!"

So says my 3 1/2 year old to her brothers Cars cars this afternoon. Somehow the subject of my grandmother having died a couple of years ago came up. There is a picture of pregnant me, Nannee, and 16 month old Shelagh on our frig from our visit out to Las Vegas to see her and I think that's what started the conversation. Of course she keeps asking why she can't talk to Nannee and why she can't visit. After all, Nannee gave her some of her very cool pocketbooks and was my grandmother. I don't really know exactly what I believe, but it's not much and it was hard to come up with a simple answer. I told her Nannee lived a long life and it was time for her to leave and move to Heaven where she could watch over us. I told her we couldn't really talk to her anymore, but we could look at pictures and think about her. It seemed to work and obviously the gravity of death does not seem to be weighing on Shelagh too much.

Cannellini Beans, Pancetta, & Sage

This wasn't even a full recipe from Everyday Food. It was just one of those "if you are in a rush on a weekday" kind of meals. It was really tasty! I sauteed some pancetta (or bacon would be fine) in some olive oil and then removed it. I then sauteed some garlic (2 cloves) and chopped fresh sage (maybe a tsp?), add a can of Goya Cannellini beans with the liquid and cooked it over medium heat for 5 minutes or so. I stirred in the pancetta and dinner was served. Shelagh loved it, Rory ignored it, and Joe and I ate it with some of the leftover corned beef and cabbage from yesterday. Not bad for a last minute deal. Sorry...forgot to take a picture.

Chocolate Honey Tart

Yesterday, Shelagh and I made the Chocolate Honey Tart from the current issue of Bon Appetit (April?). It was so easy and came out really good. Very rich and sweet. The crust was just chocolate graham crackers, butter, and honey baked for 10 minutes. The filling was semi-sweet chocolate chips melted with warmed whipping cream and combined with butter, cocoa and I added a bit of honey here that wasn't called for in the recipe. You put it in the frig for an hour or two and ta-da...a very non-Irish dessert that does not go with Corned Beef and Cabbage but tastes great and looks awesome smeared all over your kids faces. Or, 1 kids face since the other little bugger didn't eat a bite of dinner AGAIN!

Movies: American Gangster, Assassination of Jesse James, Juno

Crazy movie weekend...1 Friday night at home, 1 Saturday night at home, and 1 Sunday at the actual movie theater! You can tell we are the parents of young children with virtually no social life. I was actually looking forward to movies this weekend - from Netflix, we had American Gangster, Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, and Michael Clayton. Two out of three of those movies were 2 hours 40 mins long and the 3rd was 2 hours long. Usually, I'm out cold by 10ish, but for some reason I haven't been able to fall asleep lately. I still nod off during a TV show or a movie, but then I lay in bed and don't sleep. Miraculously, I made it through both.


American Gangster
This was a solid movie. You were drawn to both Denzel and Russell Crowe equally...good/bad guy distinction didn't matter. A couple of catch-you-off-guard blood scenes. A bit too long, but good all around.


Assassination of Jesse James
This movie was way too long, but it had it's good points. Casey Affleck redefined "uncomfortable". I was wiggling around in my seat just watching him. He played an awkward, unsure guy and although I don't think he should have won (and he didn't), I was glad to see him nomimated for an Oscar. Brad Pitt is a really great actor too...I don't think this particular character was as meaty as some others he's played, but he's still fun to watch!


Today, my mother in law came down to have breakfast with us and then stayed to watch the kids so we could go to the movies and Home Depot (window blinds shopping). I also squeezed in a quick trip to Target to get a few things for the kids Easter baskets. Yes, I am a Jew shopping for Easter basket stuff and LOVING IT! Joe was with me or else I would have bought my own separate bag of Peanut butter cups and a plethora of Creme Eggs. I restrained myself purely out of embarrassment.


Juno
I loved this movie and was so glad to have finally seen it. It was perfectly cast...Ellen Page, Michael Cera, LOVED the Rainn Wilson cameo - he is so snarky, her parents, the couple, her best friend, everyone. The cartoony intro totally made me think of the part in Reality Bites when Ben Stiller has sold out and MTV'd Winona Ryders film and put her friends pictures on a revolving pizza pie. Cracks me up. There were 2 things that bothered me about the movie that I feel I have to mention.

1. Juno was just too precocious. I love the witty writing, but it's really becoming hip to make the teenaged character smarter than anyone you know. Who talks like that?
2. The tangent with Juno and Mark where he is set to leave his wife and hints at Juno being part of the reason or that she might be interested in his doing that really skeeved me out. I liked watching the 2 characters find common ground and even inspire each other, but it never felt sexual to me and I don't think the inappropriateness of this worked on any level. They still could have had Juno represent what he didn't have and wanted in his marriage without it crossing the line and it would have worked just as well.

I swear I'm working on getting a life! We have a babysitter one night this week to go out to dinner with friends.

An Old Cake Disaster Story

It is with a great deal of embarrassment that I share this cake disaster story. While discussing homemade birthday cakes with a friend today and having read an awesome "make-your-own-creative-cake" story over at the Cole Mine blog, I recalled the biggest disaster of my cooking/baking life. The 3D Firetruck cake I attempted for Rory's 1st birthday was nothing short of a disgusting mess.


I clearly know that I am a cook and not a baker. Really, I should have used cake mix from a box and not tried for the 3D. But, I let my mom convince me that I could just as easily "whip something up" from scratch. I easily used 2 bottles of red dye to attempt to get the icing fire engine red. The house was hot, the icing was melting, I was completely nauseous from having inhaled WAY too much confectioners sugar, and it was taking a REALLY long time. But, I finished it.

And, it was terrible. It didn't just look like melting puke. It tasted like sugary cardboard. I could tell from my sampling that it wasn't going to work out. The next morning, I secretly bought a cake and after horrifying my family and frightening them into thinking that this was dessert, I took a few pics for posterity and then brought out the much better store cake.

Without further adieu...

Movie: The Business of Being Born & My Kids Births

I watched this movie the last night Joe was gone on his annual guys ski trip. Ricki Lake produced it with her friend Abby Epstein and Abby's boyfriend, who are filmmakers and happened to be expecting their first baby during the process. The general theme of the movie was the dramatic shift that maternity care has taken in this country compared to other developed countries and just over the last century. They are supporting the idea of home birth with midwives, where possible, as opposed to hospital birth and planned delivery (induction, non-essential c-section, etc). This documentary was really interesting and there are 2 major statistics that stick in my mind:

1. Midwives attend around 80% of births in European nations whereas they attend less than 1% of births in the US.
2. At the current time, 1 in 4 births is a c-section in the US.

I should note for the record that both of my kids births occured from induction and resulted in vaginal births. And both were done out of convenience to me. My doctor didn't talk me into it and I felt like I had the control to make the decision myself; but it was given to me as a viable, non-harmful option. It's a little embarrassing saying it out loud actually; but, as with other things in my life, I like having a plan and being in control. At the time, I felt a little guilty about not going into labor naturally with Shelagh. I think it was just the excitement of having our first baby and wanting her to just arrive already that made my decision. If I had to do it again, I would have let her come naturally. There was no physical reason not to and it didn't really add any convenience in for us where we had no other kids to worry about. When Rory came along, the doctor offered it again and it just seemed the easiest option where Shelagh was concerned - she was only 19 months old at the time and we didn't really have a good "what if this happens in the middle of the night" option for her. She was not great with transitions then and she was my primary concern.

With Shelagh, it turned out that I was already in labor and didn't realize it before they gave me the Pitocin. The contractions were about 6 minutes apart, she was very low, and I was dilating. They gave me the Pitocin, I labored for several hours, my water broke on it's own and I then got the epidural at around 6-7 cm after first trying a lighter pain med. I always had planned to ask for an epidural - I have a VERY LOW pain threshold and just assumed it was the best course of action for me. I was really proud of myself for making it as long as I did without the drugs though. I don't know why I didn't think I could handle it, but I didn't and I suppose it was mostly fear. I labored a total of 15 hours with Shelagh and pushed for about 1.5 hours of that. That part was the really painful part b/c, ironically, after wanting the epidural and getting it as planned, it ended up wearing off before the important part anyway. When I hit 10 cm they told me they had to turn off the epidural so that I could feel enough to push. They did and then they didn't come back in for awhile. By the time I was pushing, I could feel it all and going from no pain to crazy pain without any transition SUCKED! Obviously, I eventually did it, but it was shocking to go from 0 to 60 and took A LOT of encouragement from the awesome nurse I had (who stayed after her shift to see my birth through) and Joe to get her out. Shelagh was purple and triangular when she came out from all the half-assed initial pushes I could muster. By the next day, her round head came back and she was strong and beautiful and perfect AND a red head (which we secretly were hoping for)!

The induction wasn't as cut and dry with Rory. I was induced first thing in the morning a few days before my due date and by late morning I knew it wasn't going to be successful. The contractions never advanced and I just knew he wasn't coming. We were sent home late afternoon. A week later, at my next appointment, my doctor offered to try again since I was more physically ready and we did induce the next day. After only 7 hours of labor, Rory arrived! This time I wouldn't let them turn off the epidural and we were actually talking and joking while I pushed him out. It was a breeze and I didn't feel a thing. We didn't know the sex of baby #2 like we did with Shelagh, but everyone thought I was carrying a boy (I don't think 1 person thought it was a girl) and I guess I wasn't that surprised when a boy came out even though I didn't have a feeling about the gender one way or the other (it's always weird to me when women say they just "know" and then it comes out the other sex and they are in no way prepared that that possibility might occur). He was also just perfect and adorable with white blonde hair. Within a couple of months he was a red head too and has been a sweet and mellow baby the whole time. I think the situation with Rory and the inductions, while the delivery was less dramatic and easier on me physically, gave me enough pause that I regret having done it with him the 1st and 2nd times and I know I wouldn't do it again if we were to have subsequent children.

With all that said, I still don't know if I could do a full natural birth and I know I wouldn't want a home birth. I do think that if we were blessed to have another baby, I would

1. Definitely let the labor come on its own
2. Have the strength to labor at home for awhile before I felt the need to go in to the hospital
3. Try to go as long as I could to the epidural deadline before deciding if I really need it or not. If I do, then I do. If I don't, then maybe I'd go for it.
4. Look to see if there was a birthing center option other than the hospital where I delivered my first 2 so that there is more focus on the laboring mom and more options for how to labor during that time. I don't know if I'd do it elsewhere, but I would at least research it further.

The main reason I wouldn't do the home birth option would be that I think it's really important to have those 1st few days focused completely on the new baby. To not have that isolated time (ie to be at home with my other kids simultaneously) would be against what I have treasured with my first 2 and the time I need to myself to process the change from being pregnant to breastfeeding and caring for that tiny new baby and for general physical recovery. I think it would be neat to have a midwife, but I'm not sure how and if that fits in with a hospital birth and I don't really like all that touchy-feely crap that sometimes come with the more "natural" approach. I don't need the full cheerleading squad, but some encouragement from someone with a breadth of experience in childbirth, who is also a woman and understands what I'd be going through, and who would have alternatives to dealing with the pain of laboring would be pretty cool.

Anyway, I'm so glad I watched the film. Even though I don't necessarily subscribe to everything they were focused on, it made me feel like I could more brave than I have been.

Trying to Refresh my iPod

I went through the dusty box of CDs last night to find something to add to my iPod and to see what we actually have before I go hogwild on iTunes. Lots of classic rock, folk rock (me), some punk type stuff (Joe), R & B/Disco, soundtracks, some alternative. Not much new music, folks.

I downloaded a couple of individual songs that I could work out to, but not much. Mostly some disco...Earth, Wind & Fire; Commodores; Bee Gees; a couple of individual songs from some soundtracks. I downloaded a few new songs such as that song from the movie Once that won the Best Song Oscar. It's not exactly a good workout song, but it is a beautiful song and does give me goosebumps which might be motivating in its own way. They totally deserved the win for that song.

I think I want another iPod. Is that totally ridiculous? The mini I have only holds 1 playlist and what I want to work out to and what I want to listen to at work are totally different. Then again, my ears hurt from listening to my iPod all day at work today. Yes, I'm sort of still getting stuff done while I listen to music. Sort of.