Screaming & Yelling vs Patient Mom

I scream and yell at my kids more than I want to. It's not what I want to do and not the kind of parenting I think is effective, but it happens. I'm not naturally made up of all the patience it takes to raise toddlers. I'm constantly holding my tongue or taking deep breathes trying to fight the urge to yell "Just Do It!!". This is why I don't think I could be a good stay-at-home Mom. When things start to get too much, I have to pull myself in (and it takes ALL my might) and come up with some positive reinforcement system that ends up working for a short while (until it becomes more habit and I forget about it).

I'm friends with people, and I read on other Mom blogs about families, whose situations are worked out and who meet challenges with child rearing in a peaceful way. I see very docile and even-tempered Moms on the playground and at the pool who calmly correct their children. I often wonder if those Moms, with endless patience and calm voices, ever lose their shit. I mean I know I lose mine too much, but I don't see zero yelling in my future either. What is the balance?

Shelagh and I reached a head this past weekend and I had to shift things or I would have lost my mind. Some e-newsletter I get from iVillage or BabyCenter or something like that had a comment from a Mom who had a point system for good behaviors to earn TV watching. So, instead of finally implementing the Good Behavior sticker chart I've been thinking about for the last month and not doing (where can I get bulk stickers for cheap and where on Earth do I hang said chart???), I started with points. Lo and behold it worked and I haven't yelled since Saturday morning. I don't even have to have a prize....just getting more and more points is enough for her! I know, it's only Tuesday, but 4 days without a tantrum from Shelagh or yelling from me is big news. And, of course, after something like this works I just realize AGAIN that it takes me being the adult to stop the cycle first and come up with a solution and she follows along beautifully. What came first - the chicken or the egg? Was my yelling making her tantrum or was her tantruming making me yell? Who the hell knows. I'm just happy that she is happy.