What I Hope to Achieve in 2010

Resolutions are not easy to keep. We set lofty goals, work hard for a month - maybe two - and then they fizzle until we can't even remember what we decided to accomplish. Then the next year comes and the same items are on the list again. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Well, let's try again! I've listed out some topics and come up with a resolution for some of the different areas of my life. Bear with me...I have a lot of thoughts on several subjects... (shocking, I know):

1. Marriage: Why is it that the person you love the most is the easiest person to let your frustrations out on? I suppose there is a security in that love that makes it seem invincible and makes it seem like it can take the brunt of your moods and wait the longest for nurturing. Further, when you have small children and those children take up so much of your time and energy, I think it's natural to focus your energies on them and then feel like you don't have much left. #1 on my resolution list is to actively care for my marriage and make sure that it doesn't slip down the priority list. When I think about where Joe and I were when we met (ripe young age of 25!) and where we are now, I'm amazed at how much we both have changed individually and together. I'm proud of what we've built together and I want to pledge and demonstrate to him by my actions that he and I are the most important.
2. Parenting: I aim this year to focus my parenting on 2 things...keeping calm and making sure I'm feeling and showing empathy and support. I've spent the last 6 months or so working incredibly hard on learning how to control my temper and frustration. This has been a hard year for us with a lot of transitions. The past year started off with, in light of these challenges, my worst qualities coming out and to the forefront, and almost destroying my relationship with Shelagh in particular, and has ended with me struggling, and I think coming out of it, at finding a new and stronger way to relate to each of my kids based on their needs. If I can keep the same level of patience with the big kids that I do with the baby (aren't we always so sweet and gentle with the little ones ?), then I think I'm on the right track. Obviously, you have to hold your kids to different standards as they get older and become more capable; but they each have completely different personalities and they get there in their own ways. Parenting is truely the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it's a daily challenge to me personally. I've spent a lot of my life taking care of myself and shifting gears to taking complete care of others is so difficult. I really believe that it makes you face the things about yourself that you don't necessarily admire and work on yourself like nothing else makes you do. I'm completely humbled by this experience. It's frustrating, joyful, and completely altering.
3. Personal: I think I've said before that I tend to justify my sarcasm and negativity as simply my sense of humor. I do think it comes into play, but I also think I hide behind that excuse and tend to look at the negative side of things too often. I strive to incorporate more positivity into my life. I aim to let the little annoyances that bubble up inside of me so much roll off my shoulders more and find the good in people and situations. The sarcasm won't go away (impossible...we do have to find the humor in things), but maybe I'll try to use it more carefully instead of as my default position.
4. Friendships: Given that the last year has been so challenging to me personally, I've let some of what I like to give to my friendships go. I haven't had the energy to entertain or keep up with some of my girlfriends and while I regret not seeing them, it was a necessary step this year to focus on the kids and adjusting to a family of five. I think I've pulled my shit together enough now to put some time and effort back into my friends. I hope they understand :)
5. Entertaining: We used to entertain a lot more than we do now. I'd like to try to maybe plan something monthly. That lets me cook some more, keep up with friends, and not allow the weekends to go by without plans (a.k.a. boredom weekends where the kids and husband get stir crazy and cranky).
6. Food: I must get back to Meal Planning & weekend meal preparation. I've not slowed down my recipe clipping, but I have been so crazed, especially on work days, that I'm really not cooking the way I'd like to for the family and putting focus on my favorite hobby.
7. Blog: This started out (2 YEARS AGO this month!) as a place for me to discuss all things pop culture with food and family also a part of it. It's now a family journal with some cooking and an occasional movie review. I strive for more pop culture and greater balance. I haven't stopped reading or watching - I just don't get around to writing about it. If only there was a way to channel my thoughts to at least a notepad without actually using a pen and paper (what a cool invention that would be), I'd be uber-productive.
8. Work: Notice where this one is on the list. It's been at the bottom for awhile now and thankfully, after 10 years and a great team I work with, it's okay down there. I am so thankful for the flexibility and the people I work with that have allowed me to do my job and leave it at work. I continue to focus on my family and life and for the next year hope to make sure I don't let as much slip at work so that I, at least, can maintain my own level of work ethic.
9. Exercise: Do I even bother? This one is kind of a joke...it's obligatory isn't it? Let's just aim to make a yoga class now and then and leave it at that. Notice where THIS one is on the list. Nice.

That should do it. A bold list...